Week 2 Lines
Week 2 Lines
SUNDAY
Oakland
Kansas City (-3.5)
Tennessee
Cincinnati (-1)
Indianapolis (-2)
Minnesota
New Orleans
Washington (-1)
Green Bay (-3)
Detroit
Chicago
Carolina (-3)
NY Giants (-8.5)
St. Louis
Buffalo
Jacksonville (-5.5)
Atlanta
Tampa Bay (-8)
San Francisco
Seattle (-7)
Miami
Arizona (-7)
New England
NY Jets (1.5)
Baltimore
Houston (-4.5)
San Diego (-1)
Denver
Pittsburgh (-6)
Cleveland
MONDAY
Philadelphia
Dallas (-7)
Week 2 Power Rankings
Funny Money Power Rankings – Week 2
The season got off to a bang with the Giants winning the opener, making several franchises happy. But Cincy’s loss and Detroit making Atlanta look flawless killed a few franchises’ hopes of a perfect week. The West is best in Week 1, and the East is least. Here are your updated power rankings:
Biggest rise: Waldo Geraldo Faldo; was 18, now 6
Biggest drop: The Phoenix; was 5, now 18 and Chris B. Corey; was 2 now 15
(Last week’s rank; Current total)
1. The People’s Champ (1; $500)
The self-proclaimed champion of the populous picked up in 2008 where he left off in ’07.
2. Karl Farbman (6; $500)
Benefitted from Reggie Bush leading the Saints back in the 4th quarter, but must keep pace in the West.
3. Teddy KGB (9; $500)
Start spreading the news – Teddy rode the Giants and Jets to a perfect week.
4. Gordon Bombay (3; $300)
Stayed close in the highly competitive North Division.
5. Boss Hardigan (7; $300)
Though he didn’t have his “lucky” Jeff Hostetler jersey for Week 1, Hardigan would’ve had a perfect week if it was for dem Rayyyvens.
6. Waldo Geraldo Faldo (18; $500)
Is this a sign of things to come or a flash in the pan? Waldo rode the coattails of Aaron Rodgers and Eddie Winslow to a flawless inaugural week.
7. Mr. Marbles (15; $300)
Mr. Marbles? He’s harmless! Creeping around once again, Marbles stayed in the thick of things up North.
8. Brian Piccolo (14; $100)
Brian’s song this week: close but no cigar. One win, one loss. Still a lot to be determined for the young franchise.
9. Mr. DeBlasis (4; -$100)
The golden arm of Jon Kitna couldn’t save Mr. DeBlasis this week.
10. Babe (16 $100)
Like a rousing karaoke rendition of a Styx song, Babe left something to be desired, yet is atop his division.
11. Kimmy Gibbler (11; -$100)
Mediocrity in Week 1 will keep Gibbler in the race in the South, but she needs to turn things around to stay close to The People’s Champ.
12. Thunder Lips (8; $100)
Some may say betting a five-teamer is great strategy; others say it lacks cajones. Either way, Thunder Lips got off to a positive start in 2008.
13. The 21th Precinct (19; $100)
Getting his feet wet, the 21th Precinct must stay on track to contend in the wild wild West.
14. Blossom Russo (10; -$100)
For now, a small loss will allow for Blossom to survive in the East.
15. Chris B. Corey (2; -$500)
Continuing his world tour, Chris B. Corey let down his legions of fans with a terrible week of picks. Yet, he still remains a player to watch.
16. Bayonnaise (13; -$200)
Started ’08 with tardy bets, which can come back to haunt a franchise later in the year.
17. Bummy (17; -$100)
Bet blindly without point spreads and lived to tell about it. For now.
18. The Phoenix (5; -$200)
7th Floor Crew says: “What’s your name? THE PHOENIX! What you do? MAKE LATE PICKS!”
19. The Beard of Zeus (12; -$500)
The Beard has to summon some strength to bounce back in Week 2.
20. Rick Moranis (20; -$400)
No luck for Moranis. Made tardy bets and missed on two. On the bright side, he did pick one game right in Week 1! Baby steps. Baby steps.
Week 2 Standings
Week 2 Standings
East
Babe$100
Blossom Russo-$100
Bummy-$100
The Phoenix-$200
The Beard of Zeus-$500
North
Teddy KGB$500
Mr. Marbles$300
Gordon Bombay$300
Thunder Lips$100
Chris B. Corey-$500
South
The People’s Champ$500
Kimmy Gibbler-$100
Mr. DeBlasis-$100
Bayonnaise-$200
Rick Moranis-$400
West
Karl Farbman$500
Waldo Geraldo Faldo$500
Boss Hardigan$300
The 21th Precinct$100
Brian Piccolo$100
Your overall leaderboard:
T-1. Teddy KGB$500
T-1. The People’s Champ$500
T-1. Karl Farbman$500
T-1. Waldo Geraldo Faldo$500
Week 1 Lines
Week 1 Lines
THURSDAY
Washington
NY Giants (-4)
SUNDAY
Cincinnati (-1.5)
Baltimore
N.Y. Jets (-3)
Miami
Kansas City
New England NL
Houston
Pittsburgh (-6.5)
Jacksonville (-3)
Tennessee
Detroit (-3)
Atlanta
Seattle
Buffalo (-1)
Tampa Bay
New Orleans (-3.5)
St. Louis
Philadelphia (-7.5)
Dallas (-5.5)
Cleveland
Carolina
San Diego (-9)
Arizona (-2.5)
San Fran
Chicago
Indianapolis (-9.5)
MONDAY
Minnesota
Green Bay (-2.5)
Denver (-3)
Oakland
Week 1 Power Rankings
Funny Money Football – Week 1 Power Rankings
(Last year’s regular season total; divisional finish; playoff finish)
1. The People’s Champ ($1,400; 2nd in West – Wild Card Team; Won Playoffs)
After an all-around successful campaign in 2007, The People’s Champ is back looking for more this year. He will have a tough road back to the top, as all of the franchises in his division (South), are returning members of the Funny Money.
2. Chris B. Corey ($2,400; 1st in North; 5th in Playoffs)
The recently retired Chris B. Corey no longer has to worry about petty things like work emails and conference calls. This year, he can concentrate on the only two things that matter: chicken wings and Funny Money Football.
3. Gordon Bombay ($2,400; 1st in West; 4th in Playoffs)
Bombay dominated for almost all of the regular season, but then stumbled down the stretch, hung on to win his division title, and then fell off the map in the playoffs. Which Bombay will show up in ’08? The genius of weeks 1-13 last year or the one that faltered towards the end of the season?
4. Mr. DeBlasis ($0; 4th in West; Missed Playoffs)
An unsung hero of the 2007 season, Mr. DeBlasis was surging late in the season. If not for a lackluster first half, he would have certainly been a contender. Also, the mass media has declared him as the “sexy” upset pick of the year in the FMFL.
5. The Phoenix (Expansion Season)
The Phoenix was the only member of the FMFL who protested mandatory steroid testing during training camp, claiming the only thing he is on is, “Whey protein.” Will he have the brains to match the brawn? If not, let’s hope he doesn’t physically manhandle the Executive Director a la Turkey Bowl 2003.
6. Karl Farbman ($1,100; 3rd in West; Missed Playoffs)
Though he is known outside of the Funny Money Football realm for his boyish charm and chiseled abs, Karl Farbman was a psychological train-wreck last season, finishing the year just $100 out of the playoffs, and making foolish wagers the last three weeks of the season with everything on the line. Yet with his experience, the outlook for him in 2008 is positive.
7. Boss Hardigan (Expansion Season)
As Boss Hardigan tells it, he was the puppet-master behind Bayonnaise last season, assisting him with many of his bets. Other sources say this is blatantly false. Now he has the chance to show the ‘Naise once and for all who the greater prognosticator is.
8. Thunder Lips (Expansion Season)
Thunder Lips has the daunting task of sharing an apartment with two other expansion franchises (Brian Piccolo and Waldo Geraldo Faldo). He’s hoping that the close quarters fosters healthy competition with him outsmarting the rest of his division (Johns Hopkins-style).
9. Teddy KGB ($1,200; 2nd in North – Wild Card Team; 3rd in Playoffs)
Teddy KGB made his money back last season, but was on the brink of a high finish in the playoffs and couldn’t close. He might have a little more knowledge this season – since becoming a father, rumor he has it he has logged countless hours of breaking down NFL film while pacing late at night.
10. Blossom Russo ($2,700; 1st in East – 1st Overall; 2nd in Playoffs)
The regular season champ fell just short in the playoffs and is the only returning franchise in his division. He’s hoping those new glasses will not only keep him from squinting, but help him see his way through to a second straight trip to the postseason.
11. Kimmy Gibbler (-$2,400; 3rd in East; Missed Playoffs)
The rise and fall of Gibbler last year was much like that of “Greek God” John Stamos’ rise to the top during the Full House era, followed by his plummet to the bottom during his post-Uncle Jesse career. Kimmy is hoping for a resurgence this season.
12. The Beard of Zeus (Expansion Season)
Will the gods be smiling on the Beard of Zeus and his mythical strength? Some say yes, others say no, but most are just saying: “Prove it.”
13. Bayonnaise (-$1,200; 4th in North; Missed Playoffs)
Spreading himself just a little too thin last year, Bayonnaise showed signs of greatness (winning $500 three consecutive weeks at one point) but also signs of weakness (losing $500 three consecutive weeks). Ultimately, tardy bets cost him as too many fines put him in a hole he couldn’t get out of.
14. Brian Piccolo (Expansion Season)
Until Piccolo starts drinking before noon on Sundays (and stops requesting a giant mug of coffee instead of a Budweiser), experts say he’ll have a tough time staying relevant in the Funny Money.
15. Mr. Marbles ($1,000; 3rd in North; Missed Playoffs)
After just missing the playoffs last year, Mr. Marbles has a lot more to overcome this go-around if he wants to get to the postseason – mainly, it’s the horrid stench of Chris B. Corey that’s standing in his way.
16. Babe (Expansion Season)
Babe comes into the season committed to excellence. He has already declared that his in-season diet will only consist of Diet Sprite and late night take-out. Most critics assume this will spell doom for Babe and all those around him.
17. Bummy (Expansion Season)
Known in some fantasy leagues as the Silent Assassin, Bummy’s toxic mix of football knowledge, Gatorade, and cigarettes make him some experts’ sleeper pick this season. Getting his bets in on time might be a factor in his success.
18. Waldo Geraldo Faldo (Expansion Season)
The key to W.G.F.’s Funny Money season could be motivation. Will he bring his “A” game each and every Sunday? Or will he lie on the couch for hours on end with his laptop on his belly eating stale Cheetos? Only time will tell.
19. The 21th Precinct (Expansion Season)
The eldest member of the FMFL, the 21th Precinct’s only advantage this season is that he was watching football before the forward pass was invented.
20. Rick Moranis (-$3,200; 4th in East; Missed Playoffs)
Possibly the returning franchise with the most to prove, Moranis began last season with five straight weeks of incorrect picks. Will he right the ship this year? Or dig himself deeper?
Week 1 Standings
Week 1
East Division
Bummy$0
Blossom Russo$0
Babe$0
The Phoenix$0
The Beard of Zeus$0
North Division
Gordon Bombay$0
Teddy KGB$0
Mr. Marbles$0
Thunder Lips$0
Chris B. Corey$0
South Division
Kimmy Gibbler$0
The People’s Champ$0
Rick Moranis$0
Bayonnaise$0
Mr. DeBlasis$0
West Division
Karl Farbman$0
Boss Hardigan$0
Waldo Geraldo Faldo$0
Brian Piccolo$0
The 21th Precinct$0
Final Standings
The People’s Champ$900
Blossom Russo-$200
Teddy KGB-$300
Gordon Bombay-$600
Chris B. Corey-$700
Congratulations to The People’s Champ for taking the first Funny Money Football Championship.
Prizes:
First Place – The People’s Champ $315
Second Place – Blossom Russo $90
Third Place – Teddy KGB $45
Regular Season Payouts:
Blossom Russo $180
Chris B. Corey $135
Gordon Bombay $135
If all winning franchises can please email me with their mailing address and I will get your prize money check to you by the end of this week.
Thanks and congrats to all the winners. We’ll see you next season
Super Bowl Scenarios
Well, after all the bets are in, four players bet the Patriots, and only our fearless leader, The People’s Champ bet the Giants. Which means:
If NY GIANTS cover:
The People’s Champ$900
Blossom Russo-$200
Teddy KGB-$300
Gordon Bombay-$600
Chris B. Corey-$700
If NEW ENGLAND covers:
Blossom Russo$800
The People’s Champ$700
Teddy KGB$500
Gordon Bombay$400
Chris B. Corey$300
So, all tiebreakers are out of play. Gordon Bombay and Chris B. Corey have been eliminated from the money. Win or lose, Teddy KGB has locked up third place. It’s either first or second for The People’s Champ and Blossom Russo. Enjoy the big game everyone.
Super Bowl Line
Official Super Bowl Line:
NY Giants
New England (-12)
Super Bowl Standings
Current Standings:
The People’s Champ$800
Blossom Russo$300
Teddy KGB$100
Gordon Bombay-$100
Chris B. Corey-$200
Commentary: The People’s Champ rides the underdogs to wins in both conference championship games to take a firm hold of first place. Blossom Russo rises from last to second by winning both games as well. Chris B. Corey goes from first to last in one week and Teddy KGB and Gordon Bombay both split, staying in contention, but most likely eliminating themselves from the title. Blossom Russo trails by $500, and has an outside chance of winning, but will need some help from the football gods.
And a reminder of the playoff payoffs:
Playoff Champion – $315
Playoff Runner-Up – $90
Playoff Third Place – $45
Wagers must be made by midnight on Saturday in order to be in on time. Check back on Sunday for Scenarios.
