Week 1 Lines
Click the link below to see the Week 1 Lines:
Reminder: Bets have to be in by Saturday night at midnight in order to be considered on time.
You cannot bet the New Orleans/Minnesota game.
The Top Ten: Week 1
Commentary: Well, here we are. The 2010 season kicks off this weekend. The slate is clean and everyone is back to zero. Judging by the divisional draft alone, it looks as though the South Division is the strongest. Every team in the South except for Will Cover (an expansion team) has playoff experience. The North and West fall somewhere in the middle talent-wise, and the East looks comparatively weaker in terms of betting experience and proven winning. The division winners from 2009 all have targets on their backs. Here are the rankings heading into 2k10.
(current total; last week’s ranking)
1. Mr. DeBlasis ($0, –)
DeBlasis has made a natural progression the last few years in Funny Money. He was within a whisker of a division championship last season, and though he fizzled out in the ’09 playoffs, he’s earned top billing headed into this season.
2. Larisa Oleynik ($0, –)
The two-headed monster had a huge lead midseason and cruised to a division championship. Larisa grabbed second place in the playoffs but definitely had her regrets in hindsight. She looks like a franchise to beat this fall.
3. Yaz ($0, –)
The 2009 champ came on late in the regular season and never looked back. He weathered the storm during a rough playoffs and squeaked out a victory in the Super Bowl. A rookie last year, Yaz is now attempting to build a new Funny Money dynasty.
4. The People’s Champ ($0, –)
The Champ was a chump last year, with his worst finish, accumulating a ton of fines, and making uncharacteristic mistakes. History tells us that you can’t count him out when naming the handful of contenders in the FMFL.
5. T-Ferg ($0, –)
T-Ferg impressed in his rookie campaign, but his success was lost amid Rick Moranis’ big year. He should like his draw in the North division, but rumors of a potential sophomore slump are surfacing….
6. Blossom Russo ($0, –)
Blossom hovered around mediocre last year and knows that won’t cut the mustard for another season. He’ll either fade fast or be among the league leaders for the duration of the year.
7. Mr. Marbles ($0, –)
An up-and-down second half of the season left Marbles on the outside looking in when it came to the postseason. His experience and track record say that he should be a contender, but he’ll have to prove it in 2010.
8. Art Schlichter ($0, –)
Art surprised many in his first year in 2009, but will have to keep up the pace this fall if he wants to keep climbing the all-time standings.
9. Gordon Bombay ($0, –)
Much like The People’s Champ, Bombay just didn’t bring his “A” game last year, surprising just about everybody. Look for him to bounce back.
10. Waldo Geraldo Faldo ($0, –)
After Week 15 last year, Waldo led Yaz by $1,800. In a monumental collapse the last two weeks, his lead disintegrated and he surrendered the division crown. Then in the playoffs, he bet the Colts and went from having the title in his grasp to end the season with nothing. 2010 is either a chance for redemption, or a continuation of the downward spiral.
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES: Karl Farbman, Face, Kimmy Gibbler
DROPPED OUT: none
2010 Prize Pool
Total Pot:
24 returning franchises @ $100 per franchise $2,400
4 expansion franchises @ $125 per franchise $500
Total: $2,900
Internet Fees: $100
Adjusted Pot: $2,800
Regular Season Pot: $1,400
Playoff Pot: $1,400
Regular Season Payouts
Overall Champion: $560
Division Winner: $280
Division Winner: $280
Division Winner: $280
Playoff Prizes
First Place: $980
Second Place: $280
Third Place: $140
Week 1 Standings
East
| Larisa Oleynik | $0 |
| Bayonnaise | $0 |
| Karl Farbman | $0 |
| Kenny Powers | $0 |
| Mr. DeBlasis | $0 |
| The 21th Precinct | $0 |
| The Phoenix | $0 |
North
| Babe | $0 |
| Face | $0 |
| Kiko Garcia | $0 |
| Kimmy Gibbler | $0 |
| T-Ferg | $0 |
| The Beard of Zeus | $0 |
| Waldo Geraldo Faldo | $0 |
South
| Yaz | $0 |
| Art Schlichter | $0 |
| Blossom Russo | $0 |
| Mr. Marbles | $0 |
| Teddy KGB | $0 |
| The People’s Champ | $0 |
| Will Cover | $0 |
West
| Rick Moranis | $0 |
| Boss Hardigan | $0 |
| Don Mattingly | $0 |
| Gordon Bombay | $0 |
| Ron Mexico | $0 |
| Slovy Maximus | $0 |
| The Notorious A.B.T. | $0 |
2010 Vegas Odds
The following are the official 2010 Vegas Odds for the Funny Money Football Championship, as posted by the Tangiers Casino in Las Vegas. The odds are based on past performance, gambling history, and general hygiene.
Odds to Win: Funny Money Football Championship
| Art Schlichter | 15 to 1 |
| Babe | 22 to 1 |
| Bayonnaise | 150 to 1 |
| Blossom Russo | 13 to 1 |
| Boss Hardigan | 33 to 1 |
| Don Mattingly | 100 to 1 |
| Face | 16 to 1 |
| Gordon Bombay | 13 to 1 |
| Karl Farbman | 19 to 1 |
| Kenny Powers | 24 to 1 |
| Kiko Garcia | 20 to 1 |
| Kimmy Gibbler | 33 to 1 |
| Larisa Oleynik | 10 to 1 |
| Mr. DeBlasis | 11 to 2 |
| Mr. Marbles | 19 to 1 |
| Rick Moranis | 10,000 to 1 |
| Ron Mexico | 100 to 1 |
| Slovy Maximus | 22 to 1 |
| Teddy KGB | 50 to 1 |
| T-Ferg | 19 to 2 |
| The 21th Precinct | 20 to 1 |
| The Beard of Zeus | 40 to 1 |
| The Notorious A.B.T. | 400 to 1 |
| The People’s Champ | 12 to 1 |
| The Phoenix | 200 to 1 |
| Waldo Geraldo Faldo | 18 to 1 |
| Will Cover | 36 to 1 |
| Yaz | 9 to 1 |
Divisional Draft Chat Wrap
On September 1, the draft took place. The results have already been posted. But here’s how it went down:
The Executive Director: alright here we go
Rick Moranis: Ready dodes
The Executive Director: the order is as follows
The Executive Director: 1. Rick Moranis 2. Babe 3. Yaz 4. Larisa Oleynik
The Executive Director: Rick is on the clock……
Rick Moranis: With the first pick in the 2010 Funny Money Divisional Draft, Rick “Honey I Shrunk My Debt” Moranis picks…The Notorious A.B.T.
Yaz: you know you have a bad nickname if you have to explain it
Rick Moranis: I’ve been retired since about 1991, so I’m not exactly relevant at the moment
The Executive Director: Babe you’re up
Babe: Pick #2 is Waldo Geraldo Faldo
The Executive Director: alright yaz is up
Yaz: Waldo – he’s good competition
Babe: He’s also a head case
Babe: and tells terrible jokes
The Executive Director: yaz your pick?
Yaz: sorry – Teddy KGB
The Executive Director: alright – Larisa is up
Larisa Oleynik: The Phoenix, and I must say this is the single easiest decision of my life.
The Executive Director: Rick you are up again
Rick Moranis: Slovy Maximus
Rick Moranis: or should I say Minimus?
Larisa Oleynik: oo nice
The Executive Director: Babe is up – still all four expansion teams on the board
Babe: Beard of Zeus
The Executive Director: babe keeps his friends close and his enemies closer
The Executive Director: yaz is up
Yaz: Mr. Marbles – wedding plans will mess up his mind
The Executive Director: Larisa?
Larisa Oleynik: Chris B Corey
Larisa Oleynik: jk
Larisa Oleynik: Kenny Powers
The Executive Director: Rick back to you
Rick Moranis: I choose Boss Hardigan
The Executive Director: wow the brothers
The Executive Director: nice picks with those last two
The Executive Director: Babe back to you
Babe: T-Ferg
The Executive Director: word – Yaz your pick
Yaz: Art Schlichter
Yaz: anybody who picks Art as his name has to be a loser – the guy went to jail
The Executive Director: Larisa you’re up
Larisa Oleynik: Rick Moranis, statistically last year was a fluke for this one.
The Executive Director: Larisa your pick?
Larisa Oleynik: Karl Farbman
The Executive Director: wow bold move
The Executive Director: he’s a good gambler
The Executive Director: and quite handsome
Yaz: he couldn’t pick his nose last year
The Executive Director: Rick you’re up
Larisa Oleynik: Where is the autodraft button?
Rick Moranis: Lakers / Celtics, Ohio St. / Michigan and Rick Moranis vs DON MATTINGLY
The Executive Director: wow knew it was coming
The Executive Director: Babe you’re up
Babe: Kimmy Gibbler
The Executive Director: Yaz?
Yaz: Blossom
The Executive Director: ooh wow
The Executive Director: Larisa
Larisa Oleynik: Bayonnaise, sounds gross.
Rick Moranis: nice
The Executive Director: nice
The Executive Director: two rounds to go
The Executive Director: still all the expansion teams up
Rick Moranis: he’s gonna make at least four late bets due to the time difference
The Executive Director: Rick – your pick
Rick Moranis: Ron Mexico
Rick Moranis: welcome back from jail
The Executive Director: nice – Babe?
Babe: Is Kenny Powers still on the board?
The Executive Director: nope
Larisa Oleynik: no
The Executive Director: Face, Gordon Bombay, Kiko Garcia, Mr. DeBlasis, the 21th Precinct, The People’s Champ and Will Cover
The Executive Director: need your pick Babe
Larisa Oleynik: Babe, what a pig that was
Rick Moranis: guy, make it quick. you’ve gotta go walk your dog
Babe: Kiko Garcia
The Executive Director: excellent – yaz?
Yaz: Will Cover won’t cover
The Executive Director: nice – Larisa?
Larisa Oleynik: the 21st precinct
The Executive Director: sounds good
The Executive Director: one round to go
The Executive Director: Rick?
Rick Moranis: Wear thick socks, Gordon
Rick Moranis: Gor-dan Bombay
The Executive Director: three teams left
The Executive Director: Babe?
Babe: Face
Yaz: watch out for da face
The Executive Director: he could be dangerous, but he is an old man
The Executive Director: yaz your pick?
Yaz: The People’s Champ
The Executive Director: nice – and finally Larisa?
Larisa Oleynik: DeBlasis
The Executive Director: great – thank you all
Yaz: good luck, boys
Larisa Oleynik: like some sort of HOT TUB TIME MACHINE
Rick Moranis: No man who loves wasps can be any good at this
Divisional Draft Results
Gentlemen –
On September 1, 2010 the Funny Money Football League divisional draft took place with 2009 division champions Larisa Oleynik, Babe, Yaz, and Rick Moranis participating. Here are the results:
East
Larisa Oleynik*
Bayonnaise
Karl Farbman
Kenny Powers
Mr. DeBlasis
The 21th Precinct
The Phoenix
North
Babe*
The Beard of Zeus
Face**
Kiko Garcia**
Kimmy Gibbler
T-Ferg
Waldo Geraldo Faldo
South
Yaz*
Art Schlichter
Blossom Russo
Mr. Marbles
Teddy KGB
The People’s Champ
Will Cover**
West
Rick Moranis*
Boss Hardigan
Don Mattingly
Gordon Bombay
Ron Mexico**
Slovy Maximus
The Notorious A.B.T.
*Defending champion
**Rookie
The 2010 Rookie Class
Without further ado, I present to you the Funny Money Football League Rookie Class of 2010:
Face – One of the most storied franchises in the history of the original Funny Money, Face has moved over to the young man’s league. His resume speaks for itself: over 35 years of gambling, more trips to Vegas than Dean Martin, and numerous bookies have been left in his wake (most notably, “Pizza Joe” circa 1977). Face has seen it all in his many years in the game, but does he still have the edge to run with the young bucks?
Kiko Garcia – Kiko placed his first bet at the tender age of ten seconds, when he bet his mother’s OB that he could cut his own umbilical cord on the first try. Garcia parlayed the profits from that wager into an all-powerful multi-national betting conglomerate that has, among other things, forced LeBron James to sign with Miami, ordered Steven Strasburg to undergo needless Tommy John surgery, and fixed the 1919 World Series. He now looks to conquer the FMFL.
Ron Mexico – Ron could be considered the “dark horse” of the 2010 rookie class. Not much is known about his gambling past. He wears his passions on his sleeve, which include Joe Buck, the Philadelphia Eagles, and hardwood floors. A business colleague of FMFL veteran Gordon Bombay, does Ron have the stones to make it through seventeen weeks of the gambling roller coaster?
Will Cover – Will was recruited into FMFL after developing his talent on the collegiate football gambling circuit. Inspired by Chad Ochocinco’s name change and a banner year in 2008, Will legally changed his last name from “Shatner” to “Cover.” After enduring the struggling economy and a few terrible bets in a devastating 2009, Will is hoping the 2010 FMFL season brings him out of the depths of depression and offers a new chance to return to glory.
(special thanks to Art Schlichter, The Beard of Zeus, and Gordon Bombay for their contributions to this post)
Final Standings
Congratulations to the 2009 Funny Money Football Champion: Yaz
First Place – Yaz
Second Place – Larisa Oleynik
Third Place – Rick Moranis
Final Standings
Yaz$1,100
Larisa Oleynik$1,000
Rick Moranis$200
Waldo Geraldo Faldo-$100
Art Schlichter-$600
Babe-$600
Bummy-$700
Mr. DeBlasis-$800
T-Ferg-$2,100
Loser’s Pool
Kimmy Gibbler$1,500
The 21th Precinct$600
Slovy Maximus$400
Don Mattingly-$400
Kenny Powers$400
The Beard of Zeus$200
Karl Farbman$0
Boss Hardigan-$600
The People’s Champ-$1,400
Super Bowl Scenarios
Super Bowl Scenarios
Winners Pool
If INDIANAPOLIS covers….
Waldo Geraldo Faldo$900
Yaz$300
Larisa Oleynik$0
Mr. DeBlasis$200
Rick Moranis-$800
Art Schlichter-$1,600
Babe-$1,600
Bummy-$1,700
T-Ferg-$2,100
If NEW ORLEANS covers….
Yaz$1,100
Larisa Oleynik$1,000
Rick Moranis$200
Waldo Geraldo Faldo-$100
Art Schlichter-$600
Babe-$600
Bummy-$700
Mr. DeBlasis-$800
T-Ferg-$2,100
Loser’s Pool
If INDIANAPOLIS covers….
Slovy Maximus$1,400
The Beard of Zeus$1,200
Don Mattingly$600
Kimmy Gibbler$500
Boss Hardigan$400
The 21th Precinct-$400
The People’s Champ-$400
Kenny Powers-$600
Karl Farbman-$1,000
If NEW ORLEANS covers….
Kimmy Gibbler$1,500
The 21th Precinct$600
Slovy Maximus$400
Don Mattingly-$400
Kenny Powers$400
The Beard of Zeus$200
Karl Farbman$0
Boss Hardigan-$600
The People’s Champ-$1,400
