Week 3 Lines
Reminder: Bets have to be placed by Saturday night at midnight in order to be considered on time.
The Top Ten: Week 3
Commentary: Let’s take a minute and talk about the North Division. Between the seven franchises, in Week 2 the North Division collectively placed 19 bets. Three of the games were pushes. The rest were losses. That’s right. 16 losses. ZERO wins. Between seven people – no wins. That’s pretty much how Week 2 went. The FMFL continued to get hammered by Vegas. Only four franchises are $0 or above. Many franchises are in the hole – time to pull out the Wild Card bet in Week 3? Here’s the latest Top Ten from FMFL headquarters in Arlington, Virginia.
(current total; last week’s ranking)
1. Mr. Marbles ($400, 2)
Marbles only won $100 in Week 2, but created a little breathing room between him and the rest of the South.
2. Karl Farbman ($200, 7)
Farbman also only squeaked out $100, but now has a $400 lead on the rest of the East.
3. Babe ($0, 1)
$500 up in Week 1, $500 down in Week 2. The good news for Babe is that if there was a week to lose all your bets, this was the one. However, if he could have split his bets, he’d have a huge lead on the pack in the South.
4. Slovy Maximus (-$100, 10)
Slovy leapfrogged another franchise to take the lead in the West. The rest of the division is nipping at his heels, but he’s the clubhouse leader.
5. Yaz (-$100, 5)
Yaz was the only franchise to win $500 in Week 2. He’s still not back to square one because of his dismal start to the season, but he’s right back in the mix.
6. Face (-$200, 3)
Face was one of the North franchises to push a game last week, meaning he actually gained on the rest of the division.
7. The Notorious A.B.T. (-$200, 4)
Four bets, four losses. A.B.T. might not be ready to hang with the big boys on the leaderboard.
8. Art Schlichter (-$200, NR)
Art’s hanging around and needs a solid week to stand out in a crowded South division.
9. Bayonnaise (-$200, NR)
Another player flying under the radar, the ‘Naise was 2-1 in Week 2, so it looks like he is on the right track. Now it just might be a matter of putting together a few bets in Week 3.
10. Mr. DeBlasis (-$200, NR)
DeBlasis went $300-$100-$100 on his three bets and won the big one. Sadly, just winning your big bet will get you on the Top Ten after Week 2.
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES: Teddy KGB; Ron Mexico; Waldo Geraldo Faldo
DROPPED OUT: The People’s Champ; Blossom Russo; Will Cover
Week 3 Standings
East
| Karl Farbman | $200 |
| Bayonnaise | -$200 |
| Mr. DeBlasis | -$200 |
| The 21th Precinct | -$400 |
| Kenny Powers | -$600 |
| The Phoenix | -$700 |
| Larisa Oleynik | -$1,100 |
North
| Babe | $0 |
| Face | -$200 |
| Kiko Garcia | -$400 |
| T-Ferg | -$400 |
| Waldo Geraldo Faldo | -$600 |
| The Beard of Zeus | -$600 |
| Kimmy Gibbler | -$800 |
South
| Mr. Marbles | $400 |
| Yaz | -$100 |
| Teddy KGB | -$200 |
| Art Schlichter | -$200 |
| The People’s Champ | -$400 |
| Will Cover | -$400 |
| Blossom Russo | -$400 |
West
| Slovy Maximus | -$100 |
| The Notorious A.B.T. | -$200 |
| Ron Mexico | -$300 |
| Gordon Bombay | -$600 |
| Boss Hardigan | -$600 |
| Rick Moranis | -$700 |
| Don Mattingly | -$800 |
Overall Leader
| Mr. Marbles | $400 |
| Karl Farbman | $200 |
| Babe | $0 |
| Slovy Maximus | -$100 |
| Yaz | -$100 |
Week 2 Picks
As I See It: Waldo Geraldo Faldo
As part of a new running feature, each Friday one franchise owner will have the opportunity to write whatever they want in this space. This week’s columnist is Eddie Winslow’s right hand man – Waldo Geraldo Faldo. Waldo, take it away….
As I see it there are few certainties in the world of football, gambling, and Funny Money as can be noted by:
1.) San Francisco’s crushing defeat to the Seahawks. This game particularly had its way with me since I lost $200 in FM (I am not the only one who had the wool pulled over their eyes on this one).
2.) In the world of fantasy football nobody could have seen the huge issues that occurred during Week 1. Ryan Grant out for the season. Frank Gore getting only seven carries (once again, San Fran thank you for your help in my leagues). Arian Foster playing out of his mind.
3.) One certainty that was kept alive however was the fact that the Lions still can not win on the road. This might have been the most soul crushing thing I have witnessed, since watching a NBA player crush the souls of all of his witnesses. I am not here to rant about whether or not the call or rule was correct. I leave all rants about football moves that occur on the football field in the National Football League to Rick Moranis. I simply feel bad for the Lions and the Lions faithful.
4.) Speaking of Rick Moranis, I did however find one certainty it the world. Rick Moranis has come back to his original form and is now back in the dungeons of FM. There is no other place that Rick Moranis would rather be (Except maybe French Lick, Indiana).
5.) One other certainty that I know of but have yet to prove is that YAZ will not repeat his pedantic performance of this week. YAZ has let down both the baseball player and birth control system from which the name was derived.
Week 2 Lines
REMINDER: Picks must be in on Saturday night at midnight in order to be considered on time.
The Top Ten: Week 2
Commentary: Week 1 was rough. That’s an understatement. Some of the casualties? Yaz: -$600. Larisa Oleynik: -$500. Countless others in the negative. The two bets that killed the FMFL this week were Indianapolis and San Francisco. Vegas definitely made their money in the first week of the season. No wild card bets placed in Week 1 and three franchises made tardy bets.
(current total; last week’s ranking)
1. Babe ($500, NR)
Babe got no respect in the preseason rankings and now sits atop the heap. He was the only franchise that was perfect in Week 1. If the rest of the North doesn’t snap out their collective funk quickly, Babe could run away from the pack.
2. Mr. Marbles ($300, 7)
Marbles emerged from Week 1 with some cash in his pocket and the lead in the South. Several franchises are nipping at his heels, but he’s in the driver’s seat early in the season.
3. Face ($200, NR)
Last year Yaz proved that a man nearly 60 years old could teach the young bucks a thing or two (besides how to make prunes a regular part of your diet). Could Face do the same thing in 2010?
4. The Notorious A.B.T. ($300, NR)
Well, well, well. At the end of 2009, the Funny Money coroner said that the Notorious A.B.T. had died of natural causes. But he lives! A good first week that he can build on and the lead in the West.
5. The People’s Champ ($100, 4)
The 2007 Champ is back…..for now.
6. Blossom Russo ($100, 6)
Another familiar name is back in the Top Ten, but hasn’t risen back to his elite status just yet.
7. Karl Farbman ($100, NR)
Karl – good to see you. Just like the guys at #5 and #6, Farbman has had past success, but is just hovering around the equator after Week 1.
8. Kiko Garcia ($100, NR)
Kiko came out of the gate in his first FMFL appearance and eked out a Benjamin. Given his reputation, I don’t think this is Kiko’s last appearance in the Top Ten this season.
9. Will Cover ($100, NR)
Another rookie that weathered the Week 1 storm – is Will a contender or pretender? Time will tell.
10. Slovy Maximus ($0, NR)
The bad news is that Slovy didn’t win any money in Week 1. The good news is that Slovy didn’t lose any money in Week 1.
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES: Ron Mexico; Art Schlichter; Teddy KGB
DROPPED OUT: Mr. DeBlasis; Yaz; Larisa Oleynik; T-Ferg; Art Schlichter; Gordon Bombay; Waldo Geraldo Faldo
Week 2 Standings
East
| The 21th Precinct | $100 |
| Karl Farbman | $100 |
| The Phoenix | -$200 |
| Bayonnaise | -$300 |
| Kenny Powers | -$300 |
| Mr. DeBlasis | -$300 |
| Larisa Oleynik | -$500 |
North
| Babe | $500 |
| Face | $200 |
| Kiko Garcia | $100 |
| T-Ferg | -$100 |
| The Beard of Zeus | -$100 |
| Kimmy Gibbler | -$300 |
| Waldo Geraldo Faldo | -$300 |
South
| Mr. Marbles | $300 |
| The People’s Champ | $100 |
| Will Cover | $100 |
| Blossom Russo | $100 |
| Teddy KGB | -$100 |
| Art Schlichter | -$100 |
| Yaz | -$600 |
West
| The Notorious A.B.T. | $300 |
| Ron Mexico | $0 |
| Slovy Maximus | $0 |
| Gordon Bombay | -$100 |
| Rick Moranis | -$300 |
| Don Mattingly | -$300 |
| Boss Hardigan | -$500 |
Overall Leader
| Babe | $500 |
| Mr. Marbles | $300 |
| The Notorious A.B.T. | $300 |
| Face | $200 |
| Six tied at | $100 |
Week 1 Picks
As I See It: Rick Moranis
As part of a new running feature, each Friday one franchise owner will have the opportunity to write whatever they want in this space. This week’s columnist is none other than last year’s regular season champion – Rick Moranis. Rick, take it away….
“Do you believe in miracles?”
Ever since Al Michaels rhetorically asked the nation the above question in the winter of 1980, sports commentators everywhere have endeavored to apply the miraculous tag to any upset. It must have been something extraordinary and supernatural that spurred little David on to victory over mighty Goliath, right? Hard work and intuition, yeah those are nice, but David can thank Lady Luck and the heavens for his moment of success. They like to say, “Well, that was a swell story.” File it under “miracles” and call up David every five years for a milestone puff piece. It’s time to find another miracle somewhere else.
But David had no intention of going away, didn’t he? In a league full of gentlemen (even those who on the weekends pretend to be women – Larisa) where the majority had to sit through years of parochial school Old Testament classes, we should all remember that the diminutive Israelite became a great king after slaying the giant Philistine. He took down the beast, but then ruled over all, proving that this was his destiny all along. David would have had no use for Al Michaels.
Enter me, Rick Moranis. For two years I wallowed in the shadows of Funny Money “Goliaths,” betting poorly, forgetting to bet, hemorrhaging money and finally throwing darts at a wall in hopes of choosing a winner. Those two years, gentlemen, were merely practice for what ultimately manifested last year. Just as David had trained to master slinging his stone, I was throwing darts to finally master how to always bet against The Chiefs. That practice paid off and last year, in Year Three, I was rightfully crowned Regular Season King.
I see that Rick Moranis has been curiously left out of the preseason Top Ten. Very well, but allow me to conclude with one last history lesson. Once David became king he ruled for forty years. I think you’re all going to need a miracle this year.
Cheers,
King Richard Moranis I
