The 2014 Rookie Class: Abe Froman
(Editor’s note: before each season, we like to meet our expansion franchises. This year, we have five rookies. Thanks one more time to Face for the background info.)
Abe is the biological son of Shecky, making them the third father/son combo in the FMFL. Abe is an analytical genius with nerves of steel, who has picked up most wagering talents by osmosis. He is the third migrant from the legacy Funny Money league to join this year. Abe has the skills to be in the thick of it coming down the stretch, but is also used to competing with an older age bracket. He’ll have to adjust his thinking with the demographics of this league.
The 2014 Rookie Class: Shecky
(Editor’s note: before each season, we like to meet our expansion franchises. This year, we have five rookies. Thanks to Face for the background once again.)
Shecky is known for being a legendary opponent on the golf course as well as in all gambling circles. With a 40-year background in real estate, his intuitive understanding of “vig” translates to an astute betting acumen that is feared by many. Those who have met him know that he has veins of ice. His franchise moniker is a loose reference to the principal antagonist in Shakespeare’s The Merchant of Venice. He is truly a man for all seasons, with extensive knowledgeable in all sports, and a photographic memory for the rules of golf, sports statistics and overall general sports trivia. Caveat emptor.
The 2014 Rookie Class: OJ
(Editor’s note: before each season, we like to meet our expansion franchises. This year, we have five rookies. Thanks to Karl Farbman for supplying some of the background on this one.)
OJ enters his first season in the FMFL amid some drama. He recently destroyed his partnership with Don Mattingly, as the only thing the couple could agree on was that they would never win a Funny Money title together. His gambling history might not compare to some other FMFL owners in terms of longevity – a self-proclaimed “late bloomer,” OJ was not a football fan until five years ago – but he has packed a lifetime of gambling into the past few NFL seasons with multiple fantasy accounts, FanDuel profiles, and myriad other gambling ventures. When asked about the relevance of his franchise name, he simply replied: “If it does not fit, you must acquit.”
The 2014 Rookie Class: Dr. Oge
(Editor’s note: before each season, we like to meet our expansion franchises. This year, we have five rookies. Thanks to Face for supplying some of the background on this one.)
Dr. Oge has been a gambler since age seven, when he participated in penny ante three-card stud games at the neighborhood playground. He is definitely a force to be reckoned with, as he is retired and spends virtually his entire day immersed in statistical analysis and monitoring the twitterverse, as well as multiple blogs. Oge is another migrant from the original legacy Funny Money League, which he last won two seasons ago. Also know as “Bubba,” Oge is an annual participant in no fewer than 22 fantasy leagues. Has had an online wagering account that predates the births of many of the current FMFL franchise owners. He has also been known to dabble in the stock market with penny stocks as well as sophisticated puts, calls and collars. It would be a mistake to not take this new franchise seriously.
2014 Funny Money Football League Roster
The field is set for the 2014 Funny Money Football League season, with the divisional draft taking place on August 24. Here are the franchises:
Abe Froman*
Art Schlichter
Babe
Bayonnaise
Blossom Russo
Boss Hardigan
Bud Fox
Chris B. Corey*
Don Mattingly
Dr. Oge*
Face
Gordon Bombay
Karl Farbman
Kenny Powers
Kiko Garcia
Kimmy Gibbler
Larisa Oleynik
Mr. Marbles
OJ*
Rick Moranis
Ron Mexico
Shecky*
Teddy KGB
T-Ferg
The 21th Precinct
The Beard of Zeus
The Big Hurt
The Notorious ABT
The People’s Champ
The Phoenix
Waldo Geraldo Faldo
Yaz
*Expansion franchise
All-Time Standings
| Rank | PR | Team | Win | Loss | Push | % | Total |
| 1 | 1 | Boss Hardigan | 354 | 304 | 13 | 0.537 | $15,300 |
| 2 | 2 | Bud Fox | 352 | 321 | 16 | 0.522 | $12,800 |
| 3 | 3 | Patrick Bateman | 219 | 183 | 7 | 0.544 | $11,700 |
| 4 | 5 | Karl Farbman | 340 | 317 | 19 | 0.517 | $9,700 |
| 5 | 4 | Gordon Bombay | 364 | 317 | 24 | 0.533 | $8,900 |
| 6 | 11 | Babe | 356 | 329 | 19 | 0.519 | $6,800 |
| 7 | 6 | Kimmy Gibbler | 312 | 268 | 19 | 0.537 | $6,600 |
| 8 | 9 | Neon Boudeaux | 265 | 225 | 10 | 0.540 | $5,600 |
| 9 | 8 | Larisa Oleynik | 285 | 269 | 11 | 0.514 | $4,700 |
| 10 | 19 | Chris B. Corey | 300 | 250 | 12 | 0.544 | $4,600 |
| 11 | 10 | Ron Mexico | 114 | 96 | 6 | 0.542 | $4,500 |
| 12 | 13 | Mr. Marbles | 326 | 325 | 11 | 0.501 | $4,400 |
| 13 | 14 | Waldo Geraldo Faldo | 369 | 344 | 22 | 0.517 | $4,200 | 14 | 22 | Biff Tannen | 107 | 90 | 1 | 0.543 | $4,000 |
| 15 | 20 | OJ | 302 | 278 | 12 | 0.520 | $4,000 | 16 | 18 | Luther Lavay | 131 | 100 | 5 | 0.566 | $3,900 |
| 17 | 12 | Will Cover | 83 | 80 | 4 | 0.509 | $3,900 |
| 18 | 15 | Rick Moranis | 448 | 419 | 23 | 0.516 | $2,600 |
| 19 | 7 | Thine | 234 | 198 | 12 | 0.541 | $2,500 |
| 20 | 21 | Bummy | 48 | 42 | 2 | 0.533 | $2,000 |
| 21 | 16 | Kenny Powers | 305 | 288 | 17 | 0.514 | $1,800 |
| 22 | 24 | T-Ferg | 345 | 329 | 16 | 0.512 | $1,700 | 23 | 23 | Tony Montana | 57 | 46 | 1 | 0.553 | $1,400 |
| 24 | 17 | Kiko Garcia | 320 | 303 | 8 | 0.513 | $1,100 | 25 | 36 | Karl Hungus | 132 | 138 | 7 | 0.489 | -$200 |
| 26 | 25 | Thunder Lips | 27 | 15 | 1 | 0.640 | -$300 |
| 27 | 39 | Don Mattingly | 381 | 393 | 17 | 0.492 | -$300 |
| 28 | 26 | Brian Piccolo | 40 | 46 | 3 | 0.466 | -$300 |
| 29 | 27 | Art Schlichter | 138 | 134 | 6 | 0.507 | -$600 |
| 30 | 31 | Bayonnaise | 355 | 345 | 20 | 0.507 | -$600 |
| 31 | 28 | Mr. DeBlasis | 131 | 121 | 11 | 0.519 | -$700 |
| 32 | 30 | Donnie Jeffcoat | 192 | 192 | 9 | 0.500 | -$700 |
| 33 | 33 | The Beard of Zeus | 329 | 328 | 15 | 0.501 | -$1,000 |
| 34 | 29 | Teddy KGB | 141 | 142 | 8 | 0.498 | -$1,400 |
| 35 | 35 | Chalky Studebaker | 228 | 217 | 7 | 0.512 | -$1,900 |
| 36 | 32 | The Big Hurt | 293 | 300 | 17 | 0.494 | -$1,900 |
| 37 | 34 | Slovy Maximus | 69 | 81 | 2 | 0.461 | -$2,400 |
| 38 | 37 | Dr. Oge | 131 | 141 | 11 | 0.482 | -$2,700 |
| 39 | 38 | Love Doctor | 12 | 21 | 2 | 0.371 | -$2,700 |
| 40 | 41 | The Notorious A.B.T. | 360 | 367 | 23 | 0.495 | -$2,800 |
| 41 | 42 | Yaz | 272 | 275 | 16 | 0.497 | -$3,100 |
| 42 | 45 | Judge Smails | 175 | 200 | 8 | 0.467 | -$3,700 |
| 43 | 40 | The 21th Precinct | 162 | 183 | 10 | 0.470 | -$4,300 |
| 44 | 43 | Abe Froman | 48 | 66 | 1 | 0.422 | -$5,800 |
| 45 | 44 | The People’s Champ | 378 | 376 | 20 | 0.501 | -$6,900 |
| 46 | 48 | Shecky | 226 | 264 | 9 | 0.462 | -$9,100 |
| 47 | 46 | Face | 176 | 209 | 10 | 0.458 | -$9,300 |
| 48 | 47 | The Phoenix | 128 | 144 | 6 | 0.471 | -$11,800 |
| 49 | 49 | Blossom Russo | 331 | 330 | 13 | 0.501 | -$15,200 |
Final Results
Congratulations to Kimmy Gibbler for winning the 2013 Funny Money Football League Title!
First Place: Kimmy Gibbler
Second Place: Kiko Garcia
Third Place: Rick Moranis
*Kimmy Gibbler won tiebreaker because Seattle won by more than 4 points.
Super Bowl Scenarios
*If Seattle wins by 1, 2, or 3, Kiko Garcia wins. If Seattle wins by 4 or more, Kimmy Gibbler wins. If Denver wins by 1 or 2, the Total Net Yards tiebreaker will determine the winner. Kiko Garcia has 383 and under, and Kimmy Gibbler has 384 and over.
Super Bowl Picks
Super Bowl Line
Note: Bets must be placed by Saturday night at midnight in order to be considered on time.
