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THE MIDSEASON REPORT

The following is a completely biased report of first-half performance for each franchise. Taken into account are current standing, fines, betting style, sportsmanship, personal hygiene, footwear selections, favorite character on “Cheers”, and general attitude, as well as several other factors that are impossible to list.

EAST

Blossom Russo
Current money: $1,700
Winning Percentage: .630
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 7 – Tennessee – Won $800
Comment: Overall performance has been pretty good, but has been aided by a slick sports gambling site. She also has fallen back into last year’s trap of asking the Executive Director too many questions.
Grade: B+

Bummy
Current money: -$200
Winning Percentage: .500
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Nothing too good and nothing too bad has kept Bummy in contention for the postseason. His wild card bet will make or break his season.
Grade: B-

Babe
Current money: -$400
Winning Percentage: .500
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 8 – Buffalo – Lost $800
Comment: It was sink or swim with his Buffalo wild card bet, and Babe sunk like a stone. On the bright side, there is still a lot of season left, but he’ll need to string together a few big weeks to get back in it.
Grade: C

The Beard of Zeus
Current money: -$1,000
Winning Percentage: .406
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: The Beard of Zeus lurks in the shadows and actually has put together a few good weeks as of late. He has yet to find his rhythm and still can pull the wild card trigger.
Grade: C+

The Phoenix
Current money: -$1,100
Winning Percentage: .536
Fines: $800
Wild Card Bet: Week 8 – San Diego – Lost $800
Comment: Losing his wild card bet might have been the final nail in the coffin on The Phoenix, who is tied for the league lead in fines. Take out that big loss and his fine money, and he’d be having a pretty good season.
Grade: D+

NORTH

Gordon Bombay
Current money: $1,700
Winning Percentage: .646
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: A model of efficiency, Bombay is once again at the top of the standings, toting a nice winning percentage along with it, and still has not used the wild card bet.
Grade: A-

Mr. Marbles
Current money: $1,500
Winning Percentage: .605
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 7 – Tennessee – Won $800
Comment: Got into the thick of the playoff race after his big Week 7, and is finally managing his money like he should be.
Grade: B+

Teddy KGB
Current money: $600
Winning Percentage: .563
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: It has been a roller-coaster ride for Teddy, who has had several weeks where he has won $500, and also multiple weeks where he has lost $500. He needs to pick his spot for his wild card bet if he wants to make a run at the division.
Grade: B-

Thunder Lips
Current money: $200
Winning Percentage: .638
Fines: $600
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Was cruising right along, with a great winning percentage, betting five-teamers each week and making a killing. Then he didn’t make his bets one week, and has fallen back in the division. His percentage alone makes him dangerous in the second half.
Grade: C

Chris B. Corey
Current money: -$800
Winning Percentage: .475
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 2 – Cincinnati – Lost $800
Comment: Ballsy move by betting the BENGALS early in the season with his wild card, and he paid the price for it. The road back is a long one, and he looks to have let another season of Funny Money Football slip away.
Grade: C-

SOUTH

Kimmy Gibbler
Current money: $1,500
Winning Percentage: .688
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Much like Bombay, has a great winning percentage and still has his wild card bet available. The competition in his division is fierce, and it will definitely come down to the last few weeks of the season, and who blinks first with the wild card bet.
Grade: A-

The People’s Champ
Current money: $900
Winning Percentage: .619
Fines: $200
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Hasn’t been too bad this season, but does have some uncharacteristic fine money, which may come back to haunt him later in the year.
Grade: B

Bayonnaise
Current money: $800
Winning Percentage: .500
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Week 5 – New England – Won $800
Comment: Cashed in on the Patriots in Week 5, and now finds himself holding onto a playoff berth. He must improve his percentage in the coming weeks, or manage his money wisely.
Grade: C+

Mr. DeBlasis
Current money: $700
Winning Percentage: .543
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 8 – Baltimore – Won $800
Comment: A few tough breaks have kept DeBlasis from shooting up in the standings. After a big Week 8, he is in prime position for a playoff run.
Grade: B-

Rick Moranis
Current money: -$700
Winning Percentage: .522
Fines: $800
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Crushed himself by not making his bets one week, but still isn’t out of it completely because his wild card bet is available.
Grade: D

WEST

Karl Farbman
Current money: $1,000
Winning Percentage: .611
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Has had only a one negative week, but it was a big one (-$500), and has benefitted from his divisional foes falling back. A wild card bet win might be essential in winning the division.
Grade: B+

Boss Hardigan
Current money: $500
Winning Percentage: .548
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Looked to be in the driver’s seat a few weeks ago, but has faltered as of late.  Right now, on the outside looking in on the playoffs.
Grade: B-

The 21th Precinct
Current money: $300
Winning Percentage: .568
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: Hasn’t been able to gather any momentum, but hasn’t fallen behind either. Wild card bet will be key in the second half.
Grade: B

Brian Piccolo
Current money: $200
Winning Percentage: .475
Fines: $0
Wild Card Bet: Week 6 – New York Jets – Won $700
Comment: Vaulted himself into contention after the Jets came through in Week 6, but has crashed and burned since then. He needs to turn things around to make the playoffs.
Grade: C+

Waldo Geraldo Faldo
Current money: -$1,200
Winning Percentage: .432
Fines: $100
Wild Card Bet: Still Available
Comment: The last three weeks, Waldo has just disappointed his legions of fans. He looked to be one good week away from vying for the division, but then “poof” – he was gone.
Grade: D-

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