Week 1 Standings
Welcome to the 2024 Season from Tony Montana
(Editor’s note: The 2023 winner, Tony Montana, has shared some words of wisdom as we kick off the 2024 season. His message is below.)
February 11, 2024. Super Bowl LVIII. 8 seconds left in OT, Biff Tannen’s Niners up by 3, Tony Montana’s Chiefs on the 3 yard line. Mecole Hardman goes in motion, splits back out wide, ball is snapped, Kelce screens the defender, Mahomes rolls out, easy pass and catch, ballgame.
And another champion is crowned, a new name etched into eternity on The Champion’s Plaque.
But that was last year. Old news. A new season begins.
I don’t know what to say, really. This week starts the biggest battle of our Funny Money lives. All comes down to this year. Inch by inch, play by play, pick by pick. Until we’re finished. You know, when you get old, in life, things get taken from you. I mean, that’s… that’s… that’s a part of life. But, you only learn that when you start losin’ stuff. You find out life’s this game of inches, so is Funny Money Football. Because in either game the margin for error is so small. I mean, one half point too many or one half point too few, you lose a bet. One half second too slow, $100 Funny Money fine. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They’re in every break of the game, every talking head’s game prediction, every online tip, every FanDuel parlay. In this league we fight for that inch. In this league we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when we add up all those inches, that’s gonna make the difference between winning and losing! Between living and dying! That’s the league, ladies and gentlemen. That’s Funny Money Football, that’s all it is. Now, what are you gonna do?
Tony Montana
“I always tell the truth. Even when I lie.”
2024 Divisions
Here are the divisions for the 2024 season:
East Division
Babe
Biff Tannen
Bud Fox
Donnie Jeffcoat
Mr. Marbles
Neon Boudeaux
OJ
Patrick Bateman*
North Division
Karl Farbman
Karl Hungus
Kenny Powers
Kiko Garcia
Luther Lavay*
T-Ferg
The Notorious ABT
Thine
South Division
Bayonnaise
Boss Hardigan
Judge Smails
Rick Moranis*
Shecky
The Beard of Zeus
Waldo Geraldo Faldo
Yaz
West Division
Blossom Russo
Chalky Studebaker
Chris B. Corey
Don Mattingly
Larisa Oleynik*
The Big Hurt
The People’s Champ
Tony Montana
*Defending champion of the Division
2024 Divisional Draft Recap
The following is an edited transcript from this year’s divisional draft, which was held on August 25, 2024.
The Executive Director: Good evening gentlemen Luther Lavay: Good evening Patrick Bateman: Good evening The Executive Director: Good evening Larisa Larisa Oleynik: Hello all Luther Lavay: oh Hey The Executive Director: All division winners are present and accounted for The Executive Director: Welcome to the 2024 FMFL Divisional Draft. Congratulations on winning your division last year. This will be standard snake draft based on finish last year. Round 1 will go 1) Luther Lavay 2) Patrick Bateman 3) Larisa Oleynik 4) Rick Moranis. Round 2 will be the reverse order. We'll go until all 32 franchises have been selected. Luther Lavay you are on the clock. Luther Lavay: Karl Farbman The Executive Director: Excellent choice - Bateman is up Patrick Bateman: Mr. Marbles The Executive Director: Over to Larisa Larisa Oleynik: Blossom Russo The Executive Director: Now onto Rick for two selections Rick Moranis: Shecky aswellas Yaz The Executive Director: Old timers picks; back to Larisa Larisa Oleynik: The Phoenix The Executive Director: The Phoenix was last seen in a gym 5 years ago and is not in the league Luther Lavay: haha Larisa Oleynik: who is Yankow The Executive Director: Chris B. Corey Larisa Oleynik: yeah him The Executive Director: On to Bateman Patrick Bateman: Bud fox - lots of groupthink between he and marbles. The Executive Director: Strategic -- To Luther for two picks Luther Lavay: Yet another Karl (Hungus) and T-Ferg The Executive Director: Cornering the Karl market The Executive Director: Back to Bateman Patrick Bateman: Babe The Executive Director: To Larisa Larisa Oleynik: The Big Hurt The Executive Director: Over to Rick for two Rick Moranis: Smails aswellas Zeus The Executive Director: Back to Larisa Larisa Oleynik: The People's Champ The Executive Director: Bateman up Patrick Bateman: OJ please The Executive Director: Bateman has Orenthal James; over to Luther for two Luther Lavay: Thine and the Notorious ABT The Executive Director: Back to Bateman for the next pick Patrick Bateman: Biff Tannen The Executive Director: Bateman takes Biff. Larisa up Larisa Oleynik: Chalky Studebaker The Executive Director: To Rick for two Rick Moranis: Bayonnaise aswellas Waldo The Executive Director: Back to Larisa Larisa Oleynik: Don Mattingly The Executive Director: Bateman up Patrick Bateman: Donnie Jeffcoat The Executive Director: Luther with his last two picks Luther Lavay: Kenny and Kiko The Executive Director: That leaves Neon Boudeaux, Tony Montana and Boss Hardigan. Bateman is up Patrick Bateman: Neon Boudeaux The Executive Director: Larisa's last pick Larisa Oleynik: Tony The Executive Director: And Boss Hardigan goes to Rick The Executive Director: any parting words before the season starts? Patrick Bateman: Good luck fellas Luther Lavay: Good luck to everyone.... Rick Moranis: It’s time to get Hard. Again Larisa: Fidelio. The Executive Director: Enjoy the season!
Welcome to the 2024 Season!
Welcome to the 18th season of the Funny Money Football League!
Final Playoff Standings
Congratulations to Tony Montana on winning the 2023 Funny Money Football League title!
*Won third place via tiebreaker
Super Bowl Scenarios
*Third place tiebreaker — Chalky Studebaker wins if San Francisco wins by 3 to 7 points; Rick Moranis wins if San Francisco wins by 9 points or more. If San Francisco wins by 8, Total Net Yards will be the tiebreaker. Chalky wins if 408 or less; Rick wins if 410 or more.
**Third place tiebreaker — Don Mattingly wins if Kansas City wins by 1 to 6 points. Luther Lavay wins if Kansas City wins by 7 or more. If San Francisco wins game by 1 or 2 points, it will come down to Total Net Yards tiebreaker. Don Mattingly wins if 355 or less; Luther Lavay wins if 357 or more.
Super Bowl Picks
Super Bowl Line
Note: Bets must be placed by Saturday night at midnight in order to be considered on time.
Super Bowl Standings
Recap: Tony Montana rises up to the top with a perfect week — only he and Donnie Jeffcoat won $500 over Conference Championship weekend as both underdogs covered. Biff and Donnie are $200 behind Tony, and Bud Fox is still in the mix $400 back. There’s a crowded field $800 behind that aren’t technically out of it, but will need a lot to happen to finish in the money.
