Week 2 Lines
REMINDER: Picks must be in on Saturday night at midnight in order to be considered on time.
The Top Ten: Week 2
Commentary: Week 1 was rough. That’s an understatement. Some of the casualties? Yaz: -$600. Larisa Oleynik: -$500. Countless others in the negative. The two bets that killed the FMFL this week were Indianapolis and San Francisco. Vegas definitely made their money in the first week of the season. No wild card bets placed in Week 1 and three franchises made tardy bets.
(current total; last week’s ranking)
1. Babe ($500, NR)
Babe got no respect in the preseason rankings and now sits atop the heap. He was the only franchise that was perfect in Week 1. If the rest of the North doesn’t snap out their collective funk quickly, Babe could run away from the pack.
2. Mr. Marbles ($300, 7)
Marbles emerged from Week 1 with some cash in his pocket and the lead in the South. Several franchises are nipping at his heels, but he’s in the driver’s seat early in the season.
3. Face ($200, NR)
Last year Yaz proved that a man nearly 60 years old could teach the young bucks a thing or two (besides how to make prunes a regular part of your diet). Could Face do the same thing in 2010?
4. The Notorious A.B.T. ($300, NR)
Well, well, well. At the end of 2009, the Funny Money coroner said that the Notorious A.B.T. had died of natural causes. But he lives! A good first week that he can build on and the lead in the West.
5. The People’s Champ ($100, 4)
The 2007 Champ is back…..for now.
6. Blossom Russo ($100, 6)
Another familiar name is back in the Top Ten, but hasn’t risen back to his elite status just yet.
7. Karl Farbman ($100, NR)
Karl – good to see you. Just like the guys at #5 and #6, Farbman has had past success, but is just hovering around the equator after Week 1.
8. Kiko Garcia ($100, NR)
Kiko came out of the gate in his first FMFL appearance and eked out a Benjamin. Given his reputation, I don’t think this is Kiko’s last appearance in the Top Ten this season.
9. Will Cover ($100, NR)
Another rookie that weathered the Week 1 storm – is Will a contender or pretender? Time will tell.
10. Slovy Maximus ($0, NR)
The bad news is that Slovy didn’t win any money in Week 1. The good news is that Slovy didn’t lose any money in Week 1.
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES: Ron Mexico; Art Schlichter; Teddy KGB
DROPPED OUT: Mr. DeBlasis; Yaz; Larisa Oleynik; T-Ferg; Art Schlichter; Gordon Bombay; Waldo Geraldo Faldo
Week 2 Standings
East
| The 21th Precinct | $100 |
| Karl Farbman | $100 |
| The Phoenix | -$200 |
| Bayonnaise | -$300 |
| Kenny Powers | -$300 |
| Mr. DeBlasis | -$300 |
| Larisa Oleynik | -$500 |
North
| Babe | $500 |
| Face | $200 |
| Kiko Garcia | $100 |
| T-Ferg | -$100 |
| The Beard of Zeus | -$100 |
| Kimmy Gibbler | -$300 |
| Waldo Geraldo Faldo | -$300 |
South
| Mr. Marbles | $300 |
| The People’s Champ | $100 |
| Will Cover | $100 |
| Blossom Russo | $100 |
| Teddy KGB | -$100 |
| Art Schlichter | -$100 |
| Yaz | -$600 |
West
| The Notorious A.B.T. | $300 |
| Ron Mexico | $0 |
| Slovy Maximus | $0 |
| Gordon Bombay | -$100 |
| Rick Moranis | -$300 |
| Don Mattingly | -$300 |
| Boss Hardigan | -$500 |
Overall Leader
| Babe | $500 |
| Mr. Marbles | $300 |
| The Notorious A.B.T. | $300 |
| Face | $200 |
| Six tied at | $100 |
Week 1 Picks
As I See It: Rick Moranis
As part of a new running feature, each Friday one franchise owner will have the opportunity to write whatever they want in this space. This week’s columnist is none other than last year’s regular season champion – Rick Moranis. Rick, take it away….
“Do you believe in miracles?”
Ever since Al Michaels rhetorically asked the nation the above question in the winter of 1980, sports commentators everywhere have endeavored to apply the miraculous tag to any upset. It must have been something extraordinary and supernatural that spurred little David on to victory over mighty Goliath, right? Hard work and intuition, yeah those are nice, but David can thank Lady Luck and the heavens for his moment of success. They like to say, “Well, that was a swell story.” File it under “miracles” and call up David every five years for a milestone puff piece. It’s time to find another miracle somewhere else.
But David had no intention of going away, didn’t he? In a league full of gentlemen (even those who on the weekends pretend to be women – Larisa) where the majority had to sit through years of parochial school Old Testament classes, we should all remember that the diminutive Israelite became a great king after slaying the giant Philistine. He took down the beast, but then ruled over all, proving that this was his destiny all along. David would have had no use for Al Michaels.
Enter me, Rick Moranis. For two years I wallowed in the shadows of Funny Money “Goliaths,” betting poorly, forgetting to bet, hemorrhaging money and finally throwing darts at a wall in hopes of choosing a winner. Those two years, gentlemen, were merely practice for what ultimately manifested last year. Just as David had trained to master slinging his stone, I was throwing darts to finally master how to always bet against The Chiefs. That practice paid off and last year, in Year Three, I was rightfully crowned Regular Season King.
I see that Rick Moranis has been curiously left out of the preseason Top Ten. Very well, but allow me to conclude with one last history lesson. Once David became king he ruled for forty years. I think you’re all going to need a miracle this year.
Cheers,
King Richard Moranis I
Week 1 Lines
Click the link below to see the Week 1 Lines:
Reminder: Bets have to be in by Saturday night at midnight in order to be considered on time.
You cannot bet the New Orleans/Minnesota game.
The Top Ten: Week 1
Commentary: Well, here we are. The 2010 season kicks off this weekend. The slate is clean and everyone is back to zero. Judging by the divisional draft alone, it looks as though the South Division is the strongest. Every team in the South except for Will Cover (an expansion team) has playoff experience. The North and West fall somewhere in the middle talent-wise, and the East looks comparatively weaker in terms of betting experience and proven winning. The division winners from 2009 all have targets on their backs. Here are the rankings heading into 2k10.
(current total; last week’s ranking)
1. Mr. DeBlasis ($0, –)
DeBlasis has made a natural progression the last few years in Funny Money. He was within a whisker of a division championship last season, and though he fizzled out in the ’09 playoffs, he’s earned top billing headed into this season.
2. Larisa Oleynik ($0, –)
The two-headed monster had a huge lead midseason and cruised to a division championship. Larisa grabbed second place in the playoffs but definitely had her regrets in hindsight. She looks like a franchise to beat this fall.
3. Yaz ($0, –)
The 2009 champ came on late in the regular season and never looked back. He weathered the storm during a rough playoffs and squeaked out a victory in the Super Bowl. A rookie last year, Yaz is now attempting to build a new Funny Money dynasty.
4. The People’s Champ ($0, –)
The Champ was a chump last year, with his worst finish, accumulating a ton of fines, and making uncharacteristic mistakes. History tells us that you can’t count him out when naming the handful of contenders in the FMFL.
5. T-Ferg ($0, –)
T-Ferg impressed in his rookie campaign, but his success was lost amid Rick Moranis’ big year. He should like his draw in the North division, but rumors of a potential sophomore slump are surfacing….
6. Blossom Russo ($0, –)
Blossom hovered around mediocre last year and knows that won’t cut the mustard for another season. He’ll either fade fast or be among the league leaders for the duration of the year.
7. Mr. Marbles ($0, –)
An up-and-down second half of the season left Marbles on the outside looking in when it came to the postseason. His experience and track record say that he should be a contender, but he’ll have to prove it in 2010.
8. Art Schlichter ($0, –)
Art surprised many in his first year in 2009, but will have to keep up the pace this fall if he wants to keep climbing the all-time standings.
9. Gordon Bombay ($0, –)
Much like The People’s Champ, Bombay just didn’t bring his “A” game last year, surprising just about everybody. Look for him to bounce back.
10. Waldo Geraldo Faldo ($0, –)
After Week 15 last year, Waldo led Yaz by $1,800. In a monumental collapse the last two weeks, his lead disintegrated and he surrendered the division crown. Then in the playoffs, he bet the Colts and went from having the title in his grasp to end the season with nothing. 2010 is either a chance for redemption, or a continuation of the downward spiral.
OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES: Karl Farbman, Face, Kimmy Gibbler
DROPPED OUT: none
2010 Prize Pool
Total Pot:
24 returning franchises @ $100 per franchise $2,400
4 expansion franchises @ $125 per franchise $500
Total: $2,900
Internet Fees: $100
Adjusted Pot: $2,800
Regular Season Pot: $1,400
Playoff Pot: $1,400
Regular Season Payouts
Overall Champion: $560
Division Winner: $280
Division Winner: $280
Division Winner: $280
Playoff Prizes
First Place: $980
Second Place: $280
Third Place: $140
Week 1 Standings
East
| Larisa Oleynik | $0 |
| Bayonnaise | $0 |
| Karl Farbman | $0 |
| Kenny Powers | $0 |
| Mr. DeBlasis | $0 |
| The 21th Precinct | $0 |
| The Phoenix | $0 |
North
| Babe | $0 |
| Face | $0 |
| Kiko Garcia | $0 |
| Kimmy Gibbler | $0 |
| T-Ferg | $0 |
| The Beard of Zeus | $0 |
| Waldo Geraldo Faldo | $0 |
South
| Yaz | $0 |
| Art Schlichter | $0 |
| Blossom Russo | $0 |
| Mr. Marbles | $0 |
| Teddy KGB | $0 |
| The People’s Champ | $0 |
| Will Cover | $0 |
West
| Rick Moranis | $0 |
| Boss Hardigan | $0 |
| Don Mattingly | $0 |
| Gordon Bombay | $0 |
| Ron Mexico | $0 |
| Slovy Maximus | $0 |
| The Notorious A.B.T. | $0 |
2010 Vegas Odds
The following are the official 2010 Vegas Odds for the Funny Money Football Championship, as posted by the Tangiers Casino in Las Vegas. The odds are based on past performance, gambling history, and general hygiene.
Odds to Win: Funny Money Football Championship
| Art Schlichter | 15 to 1 |
| Babe | 22 to 1 |
| Bayonnaise | 150 to 1 |
| Blossom Russo | 13 to 1 |
| Boss Hardigan | 33 to 1 |
| Don Mattingly | 100 to 1 |
| Face | 16 to 1 |
| Gordon Bombay | 13 to 1 |
| Karl Farbman | 19 to 1 |
| Kenny Powers | 24 to 1 |
| Kiko Garcia | 20 to 1 |
| Kimmy Gibbler | 33 to 1 |
| Larisa Oleynik | 10 to 1 |
| Mr. DeBlasis | 11 to 2 |
| Mr. Marbles | 19 to 1 |
| Rick Moranis | 10,000 to 1 |
| Ron Mexico | 100 to 1 |
| Slovy Maximus | 22 to 1 |
| Teddy KGB | 50 to 1 |
| T-Ferg | 19 to 2 |
| The 21th Precinct | 20 to 1 |
| The Beard of Zeus | 40 to 1 |
| The Notorious A.B.T. | 400 to 1 |
| The People’s Champ | 12 to 1 |
| The Phoenix | 200 to 1 |
| Waldo Geraldo Faldo | 18 to 1 |
| Will Cover | 36 to 1 |
| Yaz | 9 to 1 |
